If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear

Yesterday was a bit of a disaster in some ways and not in others. During the course of most days,events and incidents there are good points and bad points. I suspect some would say that if you automatically look at the bad points, you are deemed to be pessimistic. Personally I do not think this is necessarily true. I like to save the good till last and finish on a positive note. You are more likely to remember or reflect on the last thing that is said rather than the first.

So the bad points of yesterday:

1) I was ill on waking

2) I was unable to go to my appointment

3) My job search was delayed another day

4) I got upset

5) I couldn't do what I planned

6) I continued to be afraid to eat things

Now for the good points:

1) I had a good excuse for staying in bed

2) I discovered a sympathetic person

3) I discovered I am still losing weight

4) I learned a little better how to cope with an attack 

5) I was able to get some things done

6) My husband finished work a day early and came home

7) My husband sent me flowers

Having evaluated the day in this way I can see that it was not a complete waste. My biggest problem is a tendency to focus on what I don't have or don't do, rather than what I do have and do accomplish. That is not to say I consider myself ungrateful for the things I have or have completed, I just don't spend enough time considering and evaluating the things that are working or are successful.

But of course without some focus on the things that are lacking in my life and are not working, I would never improve or change. It is all a matter of balance, perspective, need and desire and of course, a realistic and achievable balance, perspective, need and desire.

So although yesterday in some ways was a bit of a setback, in others it was progression. eg although I was ill - I was prepared - ie I had a sick bucket by the bed, anti nausea tablets, water. As there was a clock I could see without my glasses, I could time how long the attack lasted - something I had not been able to do before and had been unable to answer when asked by doctors. Having read extensively about the illness and the experiences of others, I was not as scared as before. 

I decided to try various things to see how my skills were affected - I typed emails - what a laugh - weird words appeared instead of what I thought I was typing - so it took twice as long with constant corrections. I tried a few computer games at different times throughout the day and found it difficult to make my fingers do what was obviously required. My sons of course would say  no change there, as that was my usual performance when playing computer games. I also tried reading and found I had to read most things twice or more as the words were not what I thought they were at first. I found that as the day wore on and I began to feel better that my skills returned to previous levels - interesting.......

So in my evaluation of yesterday I find that ignorance is not necessarily bliss - it can breed fear and lots of negative emotions. When I first had these attacks I was convinced I was going to die, I really did not know what was going on with my body, how long it was going to last and worried if I would ever be able to function normally again. In complete contrast I find that knowledge, understanding and preparation can turn an unpleasant event into a more positive experience that has enabled me to learn more about my condition and be even more prepared next time.

So I really did prove once again that the scriptures are true and in particular this one: If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.