Feeling Good

Yesterday was a great day for me. I ventured out twice and although a couple of times I was unsteady on my feet that was all that happened. By 8pm I was feeling so good I felt like dancing around the room. I felt sooo good it seemed almost untrue.

I didn't want to go to bed either in case this magical moment passed and did not return. It almost seemed like a clip out of the film Awakenings - where patients are cured temporarily from an incurable disease.

I cannot describe how good I really felt - not tired or lethargic in any way - like a weight had lifted. As ever I began to think that maybe my life was improving after all and started planning things I would be able to do if this continued.

Eventually and most reluctantly I went to bed. I couldn't get to sleep for ages - must have been well after 3am before I finally slept. I had weird dreams - woke a couple of times - finally at 10:30am my dad called and woke me up properly. 

It was so good of him to call and check on me. The last time we spoke I had to cut the conversation short as I had an attack. He told me he had sent me some jaffa cakes - didn't have the heart to tell him I will not be eating them for a while as they have chocolate on them; but they will be something to look forward to....

In the course of the conversation he tells me that someone he knows has the same problem as me and he has no problems with it and it doesn't bother him much at all. Well good for him - shall be glad when it doesn't bother me any more. I almost feel as if my dad is yet again doubting how ill I am and that he thinks I am making a fuss. He reminds me again that my sister has it and she manages. I try and explain - yet again - that when I had this before I too 'managed' - but this time it is different - it is far far worse and I am at a loss as to what to do.

By midday I start feeling the familiar spacey feeling in my head. I stand up and find myself staggering - I feel upset - my husband is coming home today and I want to be well!! By 4pm I am so tired that all I want to do is sleep - he is going to the gym - so maybe I will be better by the time he returns.

I sleep for an hour - weird dreams as usual - I wish I could record them as they are so funny. I decide to get up and start dinner. I feel a little better and at least my headache has just about departed.

I am very disappointed that the 'feeling good' episode didn't last longer and I wonder how long again before I feel as good.